


Ashes

by karukagexp



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, communication is my kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:23:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karukagexp/pseuds/karukagexp
Summary: They started out perfect. And then things got bad. And then they got worse. Viktor hadn't noticed how bad his relationship with Yuuri had gotten until it was almost too late.Almost.





	1. Fire

_“What’s your dream for us Yuuri?”_

_“Hmm? What do you mean Vitya?”_

_“Couples often have dreams that they have together, right? What should our dream be?”_

_Yuuri snuggled in closer and Viktor responded by tightening his arms around his new husband._

_“My only dream is to be with you for the rest of my life.”_

_Viktor smiled and kissed the top of his love’s head. “That’s a perfect dream.”_

*****2 years later*****

“I’m heading out now,” Viktor called out from the doorway as he put his shoes on.

“Fine,” Yuuri responded in a monotone voice from his seat at the kitchen counter. Viktor took a look at his husband, engrossed in whatever he was doing on his phone. Suddenly, the distance between them felt like miles apart.

“I love you Yuuri,” Viktor said, twitching at the state of his voice. It sounded empty, dull, and lifeless. 

“Yeah love you too,” Yuuri responded in the same voice. Viktor felt the breath leave him and found it too difficult to breathe, so he left the apartment and started running towards the rink. After his return to the ice and after their marriage, their relationship had already started to fall apart. They were both so busy with their schedules and various competitions not to mention ad campaigns and the like that they hadn’t been able to go out on dates. Viktor frowned. Now that he thought about it, he can’t remember the last time they did anything as just a couple, and not only as fellow skaters. When was the last time they even made love? Viktor’s stomach dropped and he started to feel sick. He stopped running and took a few deep breaths. When did it get so bad? When did it become so easy to forget their vows?

Viktor got control of his breathing and started running again. He would fix this. He had to.

*****

After his grueling practice with Yakov, Viktor ran home and quickly showered and changed. He then grabbed some bags and headed down to the market. Yuuri would be out until later since he had a photoshoot. Viktor knew this because he saw the contract on the counter earlier that week and had asked. Perhaps that’s really when he started noticing. Their lives were so different that they didn’t even know each other’s schedule. Viktor started to feel his chest constrict again but shook his head and grabbed what he needed to and headed back.

He started cooking the pork in the frying pan and put the rice on the stove as well. Once the pork and vegetables were finished cooking, he set the table while waiting for the rice to finish. He opened a bottle of Russian wine that he knew Yuuri liked and placed the finished Katsudon bowls on the table, covered with small plates to keep it warm. He changed into a suit and came back to light the candles. Just as he was sitting down, he heard the keys in the lock. His heart jumped and he smiled. Yuuri was home!

As his love shut the door he heard him sigh. Viktor watched him take off his coat and shoes, all with his back to Viktor. When he turned around, Viktor saw him jump.

“ _Viktor!_ I didn’t realize you were back. You scared me!”

“Hehe sorry, dear. I made dinner! Your favorite!” Viktor said, jumping up and pulling the chair out for Yuuri. Yuuri stood in the doorway, his face blank.

“Why?”

“What do you mean? Can’t a man cook dinner for his husband when he wants to?”

“You should have told me. I already ate earlier.” Yuuri pulled his tie off and grabbed the bowl and drained the glass of wine as he walked to the fridge.

“I’ll have it for lunch tomorrow. Thanks.” Yuuri’s voice was still monotone. Viktor felt frozen. At Yuuri’s movements, one of the two candles he had lit had gone out. The room felt darker. Yuuri walked silently to the bedroom and shut the door. Viktor fell into the chair he has pulled out for Yuuri. It hadn’t worked. This was their meal. This was supposed to be easy, wasn’t it? Marriage wasn’t supposed to feel bad, was it?

Viktor pulled his bowl towards him and ate a few bites. He was sure it would have tasted delicious had he paid any attention to the taste, but not even the wine tasted like anything. He blew out the other candle and turned on the lights in the kitchen. He took off his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves to do the dishes. The entire time, his body felt cold and empty. Somewhere in his brain, he remembered dissociation from when he had done some reading on anxiety at the beginning of his relationship with Yuuri. He wasn’t sure if this was it, but he no longer felt in control of his actions. It was like he was watching himself washing the dishes without being able to make the decision to do it. It was almost scary. When he finished, he went into the bedroom. Yuuri was already in bed and the lights were off. Viktor hung up his suit, took off his boxers, and put on pajama bottoms and crawled into bed behind Yuuri.

Even in the same bed, Viktor felt so far away from Yuuri. He wanted to be closer. He reached out and placed his hand in between Yuuri’s shoulder blades, rubbing his thumb along the bone. He felt Yuuri tense at the action.

“What are you doing?”

“I was just-“

“You’re too warm, Viktor. I can’t sleep with you touching me.”

Viktor pulled his hand back like he had been burned. He got out of bed and grabbed his pillow and went to leave. He turned in the doorway, hoping Yuuri would ask where he was going and bring him into bed again. But there was silence. Viktor softly closed the door and went out to the living room, laid on the couch, and pulled one of the blankets over himself. 

He wished Makkachin was still alive. She had died about seven months earlier of old age and Viktor had been devastated. Yuuri had cried as well, but they had never talked about it. They never talked about getting another dog or anything like that. Now more than anything, Viktor wished he had Makka with him. Instead, he turned his face into the pillow and let the tears flow.

 

Viktor woke the next day to the front door closing and locking. Yuuri must have just left. He rubbed his eyes, swollen from crying the night before. He didn’t have practice today, since it was Saturday, his rest day. A year ago, Viktor and Yuuri would have their rest days together, but since Yuuri had decided to let Yakov coach him instead of pushing Viktor to the brink of sanity, their schedules were staggered so Yakov could spend more time with each of them. Viktor grabbed his phone and scrolled through Facebook. There was a video for a new movie coming out. It looked like a music video. He pressed play and listened.

It was a moving song, and the lyrics resonated with Viktor, especially as he remembered the conversation they had on their wedding night. It felt like their marriage, their dream, was burning down from the inside and, try as he might to put out the fire, to salvage what was left, he couldn’t do it alone. But he felt so alone. All he could hope for was that something could be created from these ashes.

He texted Yuri. He needed help.

*****

They met at a café near the rink. Yuri trained right before Yuuri did, so this was more convenient for him.

“So, what’s up old man?” Yuri asked as their waitress brought their drinks to the table.

Viktor took a cautious sip of his coffee before speaking. “I think Yuuri’s going to divorce me.”

Yuri spit his drink out (luckily, into the bushes next to him rather than on Viktor) and coughed before laughing, “You’re joking right? You guys are the most in-love people I know. It’s disgusting watching you two together.” He sticks his tongue out in mockery.

Viktor gives him a small, sad smile. “When was the last time you saw us together?”

Silence fell over the table. Yuri’s comical look faded into something serious as he truly thought about it.

“Well, it’s been a while,” he started, “but you two have been busy with training and-“

“and yet,” Viktor continues for him, “we haven’t been a couple in months. We haven’t gone on dates, we haven’t kissed, we haven’t had sex-“

“I do not want to hear about your sex life, old man.”

“What sex life?” Viktor hisses, barely holding himself back from yelling. “I haven’t had sex in months. I tried to initiate something, but Yuuri just pushed me away. I made dinner and he just brushed it off. We haven’t talked – and I mean really talked – in forever. I don’t want to lose him I-“ he choked and shut his eyes to stifle the tears and drank his coffee, burning his tongue. It was enough to cover his emotional outburst.

“I just don’t know the man anymore. And I want to – Gods I want to. I still love him, but, I don’t think he loves me. Or maybe he’s found someone else and I just haven’t noticed-“

“Viktor”

“I don’t know how to save this relationship anymore Yuri. You see Yuuri more than I do and I just want to know-“

“Viktor”

“Is there someone else? Does he hate me? Please tell me the-“

“VIKTOR,” Yuri practically yells and stands up. He puts money on the table, picks up his bag and skates, and grabs Viktor by the scruff and pulls them out of the café. When they finally find a secluded area of a nearby park, Yuri lets go of Viktor.

“Katsudon is an idiot if he wants to divorce you. I am positive that he DOESN’T want to, by the way. Every time I pass him in the rink he’s looked depressed as hell and I haven’t known why but now you bring this up and suddenly it makes sense. You are both idiots. You need to talk to him.”

“He won’t listen to me. Every time I try to say something, he talks over me and ignores me.”

“Then you need to make him listen. Idiots. The both of you are real idiots, you know that?”

“How the hell am I supposed to ‘make him’ listen to me?”  
Yuri gives him a deadpan state and then picks up the skates he had placed on the floor.

“What do you think, idiot?”


	2. Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter (and which inspired this story) is "Ashes" by Celine Dion (yes, it's for the new Deadpool movie. I still think it's beautiful and worked really well here.)
> 
> I highly recommend you listen to it while reading :)

Yuuri finished showering in the locker room. He made sure his locker was locked and grabbed his bag and skates and started walking out. As he was passing near the doors to the ice, he heard the music. _Who’s practicing? I didn’t think anyone would be practicing after me…_

He looked through the window and let out a gasp. It was Viktor. Yakov wasn’t anywhere in sight. In fact, no one was. He hadn’t heard this song before. He started with his hands crossed in an ‘x’ over his chest and his head down. As the music started he uncrossed them and lifted his head.

_What's left to say?_  
_These prayers ain't working anymore_  
_Every word shot down in flames_  
_What's left to do with these broken pieces on the floor?_  
_I'm losing my voice calling on you_

During the first verse, he began to move, moving in circles across the ice in an uncontrolled way that Yuuri had never seen Viktor have. He was always perfectly in control. 

_'Cause I've been shaking_  
_I've been bending backwards till I'm broke_  
_Watching all these dreams go up in smoke_

As the bridge began, he let his leg lift up and his back curve back to meet it, while continuing to glide across the ice. During the last line, however, he dropped his leg down and Yuuri knew he was leading into a jump.

_Let beauty come out of ashes_  
_Let beauty come out of ashes_  
_And when I pray to God all I ask is_  
_Can beauty come out of ashes?_

His first jump was a quad Salchow. Almost perfect except for the wobbly landing. Yuuri put his hands on the handles to go into the rink, but something held him back. He watched him go into a sit spin. It was chaos. It was beautiful and raw emotion in his skating. “Is this your free skate Viktor?” Yuuri mumbled.

_Can you use these tears to put out the fires in my soul?_  
_'Cause I need you here, woah_

Suddenly his skating calmed down as he just traced eights around the rink.

_'Cause I've been shaking_  
_I've been bending backwards till I'm broke_  
_Watching all these dreams go up in smoke_

This led up into another jump. It was a quad flip. His signature. Yuuri held his breath. If he couldn’t do the Salchow earlier…

_Let beauty come out of ashes_

He fell. Yuuri pulled the door open and ran inside, dropping his bag and his skates on the closest bench.

_Let beauty come out of ashes_

Viktor got up slowly and began to skate more, his tears flowing freely now and not noticing Yuuri enter. His eyes, though, showed fear and determination.

 _And when I pray to God all I ask is_  
_Can beauty come out of ashes?_  
_Can beauty come out of ashes?_

And he reached out to him. The same way Yuuri did in his free program their first year together. Viktor’s eyes widened when he saw Yuuri.

“Yuuri.”

Yuuri wanted to say something but he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to see that.”

Yuuri flinched. Ah, so it was like that. “Well, whoever is supposed to see it is a lucky guy,” Yuuri responded. He turned to grab his bag, ignoring the sound of skates scraping the ice and a body slam in the boards. What he couldn’t ignore was the firm grip on his jacket.

“It’s only ever for you. What I meant was that it isn’t finished. I was going to show you eventually, but I hadn’t worked out exactly what I wanted for the skate. It… I wanted it to be perfect. You’ve only ever deserved perfection Yuuri.”

Yuuri crumbled at that. He turned quickly, forcing Viktor to let go of him. He had tears in his eyes, “You mean that you deserve perfection so you can’t be with me, right? Is this how you were going to ask me for a divorce, Viktor? Because it’s cruel. You might as well have just picked up all your stuff and left me leaving only the papers behind because you know I fall in love with you a little more every time I watch you skate.” Yuuri’s face felt hot, and wet from the tears now coming down his face. Viktor’s stared at Yuuri with shock on his face and his hand still stretched towards him.

“You thought I was going to divorce you?”

“Well… yeah.” Yuuri felt small. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and looked down at his shoes. He couldn’t look at Viktor. “We hadn’t made love in forever. We hadn’t even gone out on a date and I thought… I thought you hated me and were just trying to find the right time to ask for a divorce.”

“Yuuri… Yuura… _solnyshko_ please look at me.” At the last nickname, Yuuri looked up in surprise. Viktor looked wrecked. He was smiling and crying and both his arms were outstretched.

“Yuurachka I thought it was you who was going to leave me. I made dinner the other night to try and talk to you and see if we could patch things up. When you pushed me away, I thought it was because you had found someone else.”

“Someone else?” Yuuri’s breath left him in a huff. “Viktor, there is no one else for me but you. If you asked for a divorce I… I don’t know what I would have done. I was so sure that’s what you wanted. I distanced myself so that I could prepare for the worst. But I never wanted you to go.” Yuuri moved into Viktor’s outstretched arms. They immediately enveloped him and Yuuri couldn’t contain his sobs anymore. They were not of sadness, but of relief. Viktor didn’t hate him. He didn’t want to leave him.

“I love you, Yuuri.”

“Oh god, Vitya, I love you too.”

At that, Viktor lost it himself. He reached down to the gate and unlocked it. He moved over just enough to let it swing inwards and stepped out so he could properly hug husband. Neither of them was sure how long they had stayed there like that, just holding each other and crying, but when their sobs finally subsided, Viktor backed up just enough to look at Yuuri’s face. He wiped the tears from underneath Yuuri’s bloodshot eyes and kissed each one on the lid. He then kissed his cheekbone his nose and finally, his lips. Yuuri immediately kissed him back.

It was a chaste if desperate, kiss. After a few moments, Yuuri pulled away and pulled Viktor’s head down so their foreheads touched. After a moment he opened his eyes. 

“Take me home, Vitya.”


	3. Beauty

They held hands the whole walk home but never said a word. Occasionally, one of them would squeeze the hand, in need of reassurance, and the other would respond in kind.

Finally, they reached the apartment. Viktor let go of Yuuri’s hand, regrettably, in order to open the door. Yuuri hugged Viktor from behind instead. And if Viktor took a little longer to open the door, well, neither of them was going to say anything.

Neither of them knew who pounced first, but before they knew it they were on each other, kissing passionately. Viktor pushed Yuuri against the wall and started pawing at his jacket, desperate to get their clothes off, desperate to be closer to his husband. Yuuri went straight for Viktor’s shirt, unbuttoning it until he could touch his warm chest. The moment he did, Yuuri sighed into Viktor’s mouth. 

Viktor tried and failed to take his shoes off while continuing to kiss Yuuri.

“Damnit.”

Yuuri giggled and took off his shoes as well and then his coat. “Bedroom?” He asked and suddenly, he sounded shy again.

After finally removing his shoes and coat, Viktor looked up and saw Yuuri’s outstretched hand and hesitant smile.

He took the hand and stood up, pecking Yuuri on the lips once before responding, “Yes.” 

They moved quickly to the bedroom, their momentum having been regained while trying to kiss each other senseless. They got to the bedroom and Viktor practically ripped his coat and shirt off in one go. Yuuri reached for his own t-shirt and quickly brought it over his head, breaking the kiss for only a moment before returning to the task at hand. 

With new skin revealed, Viktor’s hands couldn’t stay still, roaming the soft plains of his husband’s torso. Retracing every scar, relearning the location of every freckle on his body. Yuuri, meanwhile, had his arms around Viktor’s neck, as if holding on for dear life. 

Eventually, Viktor’s wandering hands reached Yuuri’s sweatpants. He broke the kiss to look into Yuuri’s eyes and ask, “Is this ok?”

Yuuri smiled and one of his hands reached for his husband’s face, which he touched so delicately. “Yes.”

Their kiss sweetened and slowed. It was languorous, as each tried to communicate the love they had for the other and the desire to regain the trust they had previously lost. Viktor’s trembling hands undid the tie on Yuuri’s sweatpants and let them fall to the floor along with his boxers. Viktor’s hands went to undo his belt, but Yuuri’s hands stopped him. 

“Let me. Please.”

“Alright” Viktor replied, breathless as he reclaimed Yuuri’s lips and his hands planted themselves on Yuuri’s hips, resisting the many temptations of his lower half. When they were both fully naked, they stood there, admiring each other. Viktor moved first, placing his face into the crook of Yuuri’s neck and wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s waist.

“God I’ve missed you,” he sobbed and just let their bodies feel each other’s warmth again. Yuuri brought his hands up around Viktor’s neck and hummed, letting the sound resonate between them. After a moment, Yuuri moved backwards towards the bed.

“Please, Viktor. I need you.”

“Yes _lyubov moya_ , anything you need.”

Yuuri laid back on the bed and pulled Viktor on top of him. 

“Please, Vitya,” Yuuri started, “make love to me?”

Viktor felt all the air leave him as he let his head fall to the spot of freckles just above where Yuuri’s heart is. He kissed it.

“Yes, Yura, yes.”

He moved his head up to Yuuri’s neck and kissed his pulse before bringing his teeth out to suckle at it and leave a mark. Yuuri gasped and flung his legs around Viktor’s hips to pull him closer. When their hips touched, both men groaned at the contact.

One of Viktor’s hands, both of which were laid flat on the bed to keep him from crushing Yuuri, moved to tweak his nipple. Yuuri keened at the spark of the pleasure that rolled down his spine and into his groin. 

“Vitya, _aisuru, Anata ga inakute sabishidesu_ ”

Viktor’s breath caught in his throat. He learned enough Japanese from his time in Hasetsu to know what that meant. He responded, “I’m here, _solnyshko_. I’m never going to leave you again.”

At that, Yuuri arched into Viktor and rolled their half-hard erections against each other. Viktor removed his hand to place it firmly on the bed and moved up to kiss the now-blushing Yuuri again. When he pulled back, he whispered, “how do you want me?”

Yuuri’s teeth dug into his lip. He hadn’t cleaned himself recently since they hadn’t done anything together, and with competitions coming up, he didn’t want either of them sore.

“Just like this? If you want that…” Yuuri looked bashfully up into Viktor’s eyes who were staring adoringly at him.

“I want you however you wish, my dear.” He seemed to see the conflict in Yuuri’s eyes and made a mental note to discuss it later. For now, though he reached for their bedside table and rummaged inside for lube. He finally found the bottle and pulled it out. He popped the top and carefully squeezed some onto his hand before lowering it to both their erections. They winced at the cold viscous liquid and, at having seen each other have identical reaction started to giggle.

“I’m not sure if we’ve ever giggled this much since our first time,” Viktor said.

“We’ve certainly never been giggling while your hand was on our dicks,” Yuuri responded. Viktor took a mental snapshot of the smile on Yuuri’s face before diving in for another sweet kiss. While they were kissing, Viktor squeezed his hand slightly around them both and Yuuri broke the kiss to let out a small moan. He dug his teeth into his bottom lip, trying to stifle any other noises trying to escape. 

Viktor kissed his nose, “I want to hear you.” He rolled his hips into his own tightened fist and Yuuri let out a louder moan, arching into the movement. Viktor began thrusting with a more regular rhythm and soon Yuuri began responding in kind. Viktor placed his head in the crook of Yuuri’s shoulder and left several marks along the tendon in his neck and his collarbones. Yuuri began to thrust faster, and more wildly against Viktor until he let out a warning, “Vitya I’m --- ooooh” and came on Viktor’s hand and his stomach. Viktor continued to thrust, chasing his own orgasm and helping Yuuri ride out his own. 

When Yuuri came down from his orgasm, he moved one of his hands to brush delicately through Viktor’s hair and the other to Viktor’s cock. He began to stroke lazily, tightening at the head and twisting slightly. Viktor shuddered in his arms.

“Viktor. Vitya. You’re so beautiful. You take care of me so well. I want to feel you come. Please. I love you.”

And just like that, Viktor was gone. He came and would later swear that he lost consciousness for a brief moment. When he came to, Yuuri was still stroking his hair lovingly while Viktor had collapsed on top of him.

“Vitya, I love you, but you’re going to need to move so I can get us some towels.”

Viktor rolled off of Yuuri and watched his husband walk quickly to the bathroom, completely naked. He heard the faucet run for a moment and then smiled as Yuuri returned with two towels. He wiped Viktor down with a damp one and then a dry one before moving to clean himself. Viktor grabbed the damp one and slowly cleaned his husband, though his hands were shaking much more.

“Wow that really got to you, didn’t it?” Yuuri said softly, noticing Viktor’s shaking hands.

“Well, it’s the first orgasm I’ve had in… a month? Two? I’m not even sure anymore.”

“Wait… you didn’t… you never…?”

“Hmm?”

“You didn’t touch yourself?”

“No, I didn’t I – wait did you?”

“Well… yeah. I didn’t think you were going to touch me and it’s not healthy to not orgasm, my family has a history of prostate cancer and – why are you laughing?!”

Viktor stifled his laugh to look at his husband, “You don’t need to explain it to me. I just was oblivious and so I didn’t notice how long it had been.” His eyes darkened and his expression got more serious. “We will need to talk about this. We need better communication. I can’t do this again Yuura. I can’t.”

Yuuri threw the towels into the laundry basket and opened his arms to let his husband lay on his chest. “I know. I can’t either. Let’s talk tomorrow. We can call Yakov and some of the other people we need to meet and see if we can reschedule and we can talk.”

Viktor nodded and then looked up at Yuuri. “Can we get another dog?”

Yuuri’s eyes brightened and his mouth curled into a blissful smile. “Absolutely.” Viktor smiled back and settled against Yuuri’s chest. Yuuri pulled the blanket over them and pulled Viktor in closer.

"I love you, Yuuri. No matter what." Viktor said, stifling a yawn.

Yuuri smiled and closed his eyes. "I love you too, Vitya."

Just as Yuuri was drifting off, he heard Viktor ask, “Is our dream still the same as it was?”

He remembered that conversation well: _“My only dream is to be with you for the rest of my life.”_

“Yes, Vitya. For the rest of our lives.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any comments, suggestions, etc are always welcome!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> solnyshko: sunshine
> 
> lyubov moya: my love
> 
> aisuru, Anata ga inakute sabishidesu: love, I'm lonely without you

**Author's Note:**

> The explicit content will be in the last chapter. All the angst happens before that.


End file.
